We’ve all heard it before—the frustrated sigh of a man scoffing, “Why do women always go for the bad boys? I’m nice!” It’s easy to sympathise, but hey, from a woman’s perspective– being nice and being good aren’t the same thing–not even according to the English dictionary.
Nice is an adjective used to refer to something pleasant or attractive. On the other hand, the adjective good can be used to refer to something desired or approved.
Orchid English shades more light to the terms in one of their articles describing nice as one used to refer to “something from the heart.” Conversely, good was explained as “having more substance.”
Food, people and holidays can be “nice” if you just want to say that you had a pleasant experience. “Good,” however, carries more substance and sounds like it rates well according to a particular standard. Good food, for instance, is more like food with quality ingredients that is prepared to a high standard, not just food that you enjoy eating–Junk food can be “nice” to eat but it’s not “good” for our bodies.
Like user Helen Casanova once pointed out, many women believe that “Nice guys never get the girl, the job, or the life they want.” So, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to help out. Not only are we pointing out these quirks to our beloved male readers, but we’re also offering tips on how they can step up and become the ‘good guys’ who thrive in relationships.
The traits:
They’re only happy if the woman is happy. Nice guys often make their partner (wife or girlfriend) their emotional centre. Let’s be clear—women don’t hate kindness. In fact, kindness is attractive! Instead, their niceness is often a mask–a lot of “nice” guys are nice with an agenda.
They give to get. Giving to nice guys is transactional–with strings attached–they want to be appreciated for what they do. They might shower you with compliments or help you out, but the moment you’re not giving them the attention they crave in return, they flip. Suddenly, the niceness vanishes, revealing someone who was never really kind. That’s not real kindness; that’s manipulation.
Inability to prioritise their own needs. Nice guys view putting their needs first as selfish thus struggling to set boundaries–often saying “yes” when they want to say “no.” This creates a dynamic where they feel helpless, as if they are victims, always doing what others want in the hope of receiving love and validation. It’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves enough to set boundaries. Women want a man who can say no, who knows his values and sticks to them.
Another characteristic is their secretiveness. Nice guys are driven by a need for approval, often hiding parts of themselves that might displease others. They attempt to cover up mistakes, suppress anger, and bottle up emotions to maintain a facade of being “good.” This lack of transparency can make them seem disingenuous and manipulative.
Their “rescue mentality” adds another layer of complexity. Nice guys are often attracted to women who seem to need fixing, which can come across as patronising or controlling.
Passive-aggressive behaviour is another trait that surfaces due to unresolved frustration. Nice guys often express their anger and resentment in indirect ways, such as being emotionally unavailable or failing to follow through on promises. This can build up into rage, leading to unpredictable emotional outbursts. Their bottled-up energy also finds an outlet in addictive behaviours, whether it’s work, substances, or other distractions.
Furthermore, nice guys are constantly seeking approval. They believe that their generosity and peacefulness are the key to being loved. In their minds, the more they give, the more deserving of affection they become. However, this transactional approach to relationships can feel insincere and suffocating for women.
Traits of good men–the women’s favourite
Now let’s talk about what it means to be a good man worth women liking.
Confidence, Not Arrogance. Good men are confident in who they are and don’t need validation from others. They don’t offer kindness expecting something back. They do it because it’s the right thing to do. This confidence is magnetic because it shows stability, strength, and reliability.
Women are drawn to men who have a strong sense of integrity—someone who will do the right thing even when no one’s watching. A good man’s actions align with his values, and that consistency builds trust, the foundation of any great relationship.
Empathy Over Ego, Good men don’t just act kind to look good; they are kind because they genuinely care. Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another—creates deeper emotional connections. When women talk about “being seen,” they’re talking about men who listen, who are present, and who aren’t just thinking about what’s in it for them.
Balanced Boundaries, Good men know when to say no. They are assertive without being aggressive, kind without being pushovers. They set clear boundaries, respect their own time, and don’t feel the need to overextend themselves just to be liked. This balance is what makes them attractive because it shows they respect both themselves and their partner.
