Q: Is it okay to lie about your age on a first date?
A: “Go ahead, if you want to lie, lie. Women, whenever you feel like lying, go ahead and lie. How many times have you been lied to? Just jump in with a lie and say, ‘Yes, I’m 22,’ because he’s going to tell you he’s not married too.” – Steve Harvey
Here’s an interesting fact about Rwanda: over 78% of its population is under the age of 35. Many of whom are currently raving in the pursuit of love, relationships and all that’s in between. Safe to say, people are going on dates.
However, about one-third of these young people admit to lying about their age on their first date. With a few even feeling comfortable pretending to be three years younger than they really are. An overtly trait done by mostly women. But if age is just a number, why do women feel the need to change it?
First dates can be nerve-wracking, exciting, and a little awkward. Everyone wants to make a great first impression, and sometimes, that means bending the truth a little. The hope for these twists and turns with information shared can break or make for flowing and interesting conversations, and hopefully, to second dates.
To allure this blanching pursuit, one of the lies that women have admitted to use often is the white lie of age. Why? Perhaps because of the general avowal to get past the filters and connect with men they might not meet if they revealed their actual age. They hope that once the man they want gets to know them, he will find them amply charming, attractive, and fun that he will overlook and forgive the lie.
As a woman myself, though I understand why this happens, I am a firm believer that it’s not necessary to share every single detail about yourself on a first date. Granted, society often pressures women into corners that they are forced to change facts about themselves, but sometimes, less is better.
To further understand more about this trait, SENS had a discussion with a few people, because if you’ve ever considered changing your age on a first date, know that you’re not alone.
Debby, 25, shared that she once reduced her age to fit a guy’s demographic. “I made myself 2 years younger when this guy told me he was 23. We started dating, but I felt bad about lying. I was afraid he’d judge me if I told him the truth.
One day, I accidentally mentioned that I was two years older than I’d said. He got really upset and couldn’t let it go. The funny part is that women aren’t the only ones who lie about their age. This guy got mad at me because he was also lying. He later confessed that he was actually 22. I was like, ‘Seriously? Do I look like R. Kelly to you?’ I know I judged him, but shouldn’t I?”
Peer pressure society is real !!!!
With signs pointing at the excursion of age in dating, a question is often asked about whether or not it defines what a relationship could be, what the respective parties should be doing or not doing. A lady in her mid-30s is frequently judged harshly for her age because collectively people have assumed such a woman should be already married.
One woman – who chose to remain anonymous— shared her experience, “I’m a 36-year-old marketing executive. Growing up, I always heard that women should settle down before 30. Even though I’m successful and happy, that old pressure still lingers in my mind. On a date with a handsome 34-year-old man, I found myself saying, ‘I’m 34 too.'”
She explained that many women feel societal pressures to reach certain milestones at specific ages. These pressures can make women lie about their age to fit these artificial timelines. A feeling she shares with multiple women, like Lily.
“Why the lies, you ask? Honestly, I’m just trying to avoid being seen as a bit desperate, which is something often said about single women in their 30s.” Lily said, “When I tell people my real age, I can almost see my dates running away. How often have you heard actresses celebrating their 40th birthday again and again? Doesn’t Jennifer Lopez look 35 to you? So, who am I to deny myself a few years of youth? It’s not really my fault—society taught us to.”
These stories highlight the societal pressures women face about their age and the lengths they go to fit into these outdated expectations, while examples of men in their mid-30s rarely hear statements like “You look young for your age,” which might feel like a smack in the face to men, while women would love to hear that daily.
More and more scenarios could be plonked out to emphasize the point of how age is a factor widely indicative of people’s decisions and perspectives towards women. For example, one of my sources, Emma explained that, “Most men want to date women who are younger than them,” says Emma, one of my sources. “So, if you’re a 48-year-old woman, you might get ignored by men in their 40s and early 50s. But in another twist, these men think they have a shot with every woman in their 50s, 40s, 30s, or even 20s.”
It sounds crazy, isn’t it?
“Yup, that’s me,” Emma continued. “I lie to them for fun sometimes. Why not? I’m 47 years old and recently found myself back in the dating game. I met this man in his early 50s at a Pilipili restaurant bar. We were having an interesting conversation about living with a single father. Suddenly, he said, ‘I only date women in their 30s. So, how old are you?'”
This caught Emma off-guard and all the interest she’d had for the man faded away instantly. “Why should I accept some men who want to make me feel less valuable because of my age?” She said, and proceeded to make fun of him, “I winked and said, ‘I’m 27 years old, with 20 years of experience.’ The message was loud and clear.”
So, why do women sometimes lie about their age? It’s a mix of reasons. Women often feel pressure to act a certain way as they get older. Society tells them how to dress, behave, and even how to smile. And hence, they feel the need to lie about their age to fit in or perhaps to escape the longing barrow of a gun that tells them constantly to act their age.
In an ideal world, age is just one part of who we are. Whether you’re 25 or 75, connection should be the only thing that matters while dating, and not people tending their ears to your music taste to discover your age range. But this is a long debate, because really, why should your age control how you live?
