Storytime: It wasn’t until 2018 that this writer started wearing trousers. She was visiting Rwanda with friends and like any other tourists, they had to move around for some city viewing, food tasting and souvenir buying in Kigali.
Kigali is known, among other things, for bustling with motorcycles at any given moment in a day, it is affordable, fast and cuts through traffic so conveniently. Not so long after we arrived in Kigali, that we realized the motos are not only safer than the boda bodas back home in Kampala, but also cleaner.
Another difference that I didn’t notice until I was about to climb one is that motos in Kigali are less spacious and carry one passenger at a go. In Kampala, you can sit on a motorcycle in two different ways: with your legs cuddling the rider, referred to as ‘kisajja’ (sitting style for men) or with your legs hanging down the seat, ‘kikyala’–preferred by women especially the elderly or young girls when wearing short skirts/dresses.
Your ‘friend’ here was adorned in a dress–not just any dress but ‘skimpy’. In the process of sitting on a motor–after failing to seat the ‘kikyala’ way of kampala motorcycles my dress does the ‘expected’, extends a few inches up. I thought of how uncomfortable and exposed I would be if I sat the ‘kisajja’ way and couldn’t get myself to do it, so I cancelled the trip. In retrospect, that was not worth all the offensive side eyes my friend gave me. All because of a wardrobe malfunction. Only if I had worn trousers.
My dressing choice back in the day was influenced partly by culture of the Baganda tribe where women never wore trousers and my religion as a protestant. Growing up a conservative society where women are subjected to layers of rules, my self-esteem had been crushed as a child with comments like you’re tall, small and ‘nyashless’.
Flowy, long skirts and dresses provided enough coverage and comfort to hide what I was told were imperfections. Until I arrived in Kigali and had to take motorcycles, sometimes more than once a day, sitting the kisajja style. Now trousers were essential.
Thanks to that incident, those friends made me try out trousers for the first time, praising how I looked ‘great’ in them. They also offered styling tips that helped boost my confidence. Allow me to share them, plus those from experts for anyone who may be struggling to ‘dress for confidence’.
Find a style that makes you feel authentic and lean into it. Because it had stuck that I’m nyashless (flat bum), wearing tight panties didn’t come easy. My friends advised that I start with ‘free’ (baggy) pants and slowly elevate to other styles–tights, jeans. Confidence starts with knowing what works for you.
Think of dressing as a creative exploration of what makes you feel powerful and beautiful. Instead of following rigid fashion rules, know your body shape and understand how to dress it. Get me right here, this doesn’t mean you constraint your fashion choices but understand how different cuts and silhouettes work with your natural form. To date, I am still slim, which makes me selective in my clothing choices. I came to realize that when I dress in overly tight outfits, comments about my size are more than when the clothes fit properly. Because let’s face it, people’s comments can ruin your confidence.
Now don’t confuse tight with ill-fit. A piece of trousers can be tight and still fit perfectly. Ill-fit on the other hand is when the outfit is too tight that it makes you feel uncomfortable to either walk or sit. To dress for confidence, prioritize fit. There’s a sweet spot between comfort and confidence.
This we’ve all heard–dress the way you want to be addressed. The way you dress tells a story, it communicates who you are: bold, creative or poised. Simply put, it influences how you see yourself (confidence) and how others perceive you–wear outfits that resonate with your personality and showcase your true self.
Designer Olivier Niyitanga, famously known as Tanga Design echoes this when he says, “someone like me in my Tanga Dom era might prioritize cultural expression in what they wear, showing heritage through textures or designs. Choose pieces that feel like an extension of who you are.”
He further advises investing in versatile staples like; a sharp blazer, a well-fitted pair of jeans, and a classic pair of shoes–they never go out of style. “This way, you have a base to build on,” he says. Adding that you can then add layers and accessories that reflect your personality and style.
“Think of accessories as your style’s secret superpowers–they’re the subtle yet transformative elements that can elevate any outfit from basic to brilliant. Just as a painter uses highlights to bring a canvas to life, your carefully chosen accessories add depth and personality to your look.”
Accessories can be a classic leather watch, bold statement of architectural earrings, or the effortless charm of a silk scarf draped around your neck. These finishing touches are what transform good outfits into memorable ones, turning simple statements into exclamations of personal flair and confidence. The pro tip is to choose one or two standout pieces that complement your outfit without overwhelming it.
Playing with color is equally essential for confidence as a result of dressing. Tanga says that colors can influence one’s mood and project confidence. “Don’t be afraid to inject a little color into your wardrobe. Red for power, blue for calm, yellow for energy so choose the ones that align with how you want to feel.”
Above all, focus on building a collection of pieces that make you feel your best, rather than chasing trends or conforming to others’ expectations. The secret lies in selecting statement pieces that genuinely speak to your soul rather than just catching your eye for a moment. Afterall confidence comes from feeling comfortable and authentic in your choices.
This will also help you to shop quality and not quantity, investing in high-quality items that will last longer whilst saving you money in the long run. Besides, you will shop mindfully– focusing on items that complement your existing wardrobe.
In turn, decluttering will not be an issue. And if it already is, apply the “One-Year Rule” If you haven’t worn an item in a year, it’s likely not essential. During the festive holiday, create piles, divide your wardrobe into keep, donate/sell, and undecided (for those pieces you think you may need in the future). It will help you make space for new stuff for the new year. You can revisit the undecided pile in January to reassess.
In addition, keep only items with genuine sentimental value. Avoid holding onto pieces simply out of guilt. For example, Jane gave me this top and she’s my friend so I can’t give it away. If it has lasted for over five years, give it away/recycle it already, let Jane know so that she can buy you another one–that’s in style for that matter.
