Ugandan pastor Martin Sempa recently took to his X account to announce that his son, Josiah, will marry his girlfriend, whom he met on a dating app.
The phrase “online dating” sparked a storm of reactions from the so-called “online in-laws” (myself included). Why? It’s ironic, given Sempa’s image as a self-proclaimed moral crusader—his viral “eat da poo poo” and “are you gay” videos from 2021—seems at odds with the digital matchmaking world.
As we navigate the 21st century, relationships have evolved, but culture and religion continue to hold strong significance for many Africans. In fact, we’re embracing our heritage more than ever—celebrating traditional clothing, hairstyles, languages, and our beautiful dark skin.
That said, we’re not completely closed off to integrating elements from other cultures, particularly Western influences that we deem valuable—such as education, lifestyle, and technology, which includes online dating.
When speaking with my peers—mostly women—many have heard of online dating. While they’re skeptical about trying it themselves due to concerns over privacy, societal judgment, religion, and security, they’ve expressed that a change in circumstances might lead them to give it a shot.
Interestingly, these conversations were with Christians, which made me reconsider my view of Pastor Sempa. Perhaps Christians are more adaptable to change than I thought.
On the flip side, my Muslim friends were decidedly against the idea of online dating, citing their faith as a major barrier.
The most challenging aspect of my job is gathering information. And when I do manage to collect it, I have to weigh the possibility that it could be false–even if it comes from friends.
A year ago, my housemate had a staunch Muslim friend who eventually became my friend as well. During one of our conversations, she admitted to using dating apps to find love. It wasn’t just her; her sisters, who are equally religious, had done the same. In fact, one of them found her better half on a Muslim dating app.
This made me question how Mariam’s (not her real name) faith differed from that of my interviewees. I couldn’t help but wonder if their narratives were perhaps more fictional than factual.
To further confirm my suspicions, days later, while scrolling through X, a post caught my eye on my feed. @faarhen, elegantly dressed in a hijab, was openly declaring her single status and exchanging WhatsApp contacts with interested suitors.
Curious, I slid into the comment section (because let’s be honest, sometimes that’s where the real action is on social media).
Long story short, @UUballo3, also known as Umar Usman Bello, whose profile picture clearly reflected his faith—dressed in traditional Muslim attire—left a ‘thoughtful’ message for Faarhen: “This is not the best place to look for a life partner! I suggest…”
I realized I had made a mistake by only asking women about online dating; religious men have a different perspective. Luckily, I have a male Muslim acquaintance, so the next day, after exchanging greetings, I decided to ask him about this controversial topic.
“It’s not right, Jane,” Abdoul Kharim informed me. “Anyone who does this is breaking Islamic law regarding marriage.” He explained that in Islam, when a girl is ready for marriage, a male relative—be it a brother, father, or uncle—initiates the courtship process with the potential husband.
“Our religion doesn’t allow sex before marriage. If a girl and a boy are left to navigate the dating process on their own, it becomes easy for them to violate this commandment,” he added.”
I’m a devout Christian who holds my faith close, but come on—it’s 2024! If we can order food online, why can’t we apply the same logic to love? Plus, there are religious dating apps. My cheap Android phone keeps bombarding me with ads for them on my socials.
Online dating expands the pool of options for individuals seeking partners who share their faith, values, and interests, particularly in communities with specific religious practices and high expectations. It facilitates serious connections by providing platforms for those looking for long-term, meaningful relationships, especially for religious individuals who value faith.
Additionally, online platforms offer anonymity and privacy, allowing people to explore potential relationships without immediate judgment, which is beneficial for those who are shy or concerned about community gossip.
As modern life becomes busier and traditional courting methods become less practical, online dating serves as a way to adapt while maintaining essential religious values.
Ultimately, the decision to engage in online dating should be personal, and individuals should approach it with caution, selectivity, and transparency regarding their intentions to protect their beliefs.
Nonetheless, the decision to use online dating should be personal. If one feels that they can maintain their religious principles while navigating this digital space, then it might be worth exploring.
Moreover, there are online dating apps specifically designed for religious people, allowing users to filter profiles based on their beliefs. This helps maintain faith-based courtship standards.
So, if irreligious apps like Tinder are considered ‘unsafe,’ why not take advantage of these faith-focused options instead of dismissing the whole concept of online dating?
