From a young age, boys and girls are often encouraged to display different behaviors. Boys are typically urged to take risks, compete, and assert themselves, while girls are encouraged to be cautious, collaborative, and accommodating. This early socialization shapes how men and women perceive their abilities and approach challenges throughout their lives.
As a result, men are more likely to overestimate their abilities and performance while women underestimate theirs, clearly indicated in a report by Hewlett Packard where men would apply for a job position with only 60% of the qualifications, as women wait to check all the boxes–commonly known as the confidence gap.
Beyond professionalism, the confidence gap has profound implications for women’s free will, particularly in their personal lives. In an Instagram post, Content writer and life coach Yetunde Omobolanle shared ways women can exercise their free will. However, before we dive into them, let’s provide some context to what free will is.
Understanding free will
The English dictionary defines free will as one’s ability to make choices that are not predetermined by past events, genetics, or divine intervention. Simply put, It is the power to act independently, to make decisions based on one’s own desires, beliefs, and values.
Without freewill, one is likely to lose their identity. They may become defined by the expectations and desires of others, rather than their own, says experts. This in turn surmounts to feelings of regret and resentment when an individual takes a trip down memory lane, only to wish they had made different choices.
Similarly, the lack of freedom to make independent decisions stunts personal growth. One may find themselves stuck in unfulfilling situations, unable to progress or achieve their potential.
Moreover, when women do not exercise their free will, it reinforces societal norms that limit their autonomy. This perpetuates gender inequality and hinders progress toward a more just and inclusive society.
On the other hand, exercising free will empowers women to take charge of their lives. It fosters a sense of self-worth and confidence, enabling them to pursue their goals and dreams without being hindered by societal expectations.
It allows women to learn from their experiences, both successes and failures. The process of trial and error is essential for personal development and self-discovery. Not to mention improved authenticity. Living according to one’s own values and beliefs allows women to be true to themselves, rather than conforming to external pressures.
How women can exercise their freewill
Independence is highly stressed in the definition of ‘freewill’. As such, Yetunde urges women to live unapologetically. “Free will means you get to write your own story, don’t let anyone hold the pen but you,” she says. Adding that it’s okay for one to wake up one morning and be done with something without having to explain their decision.
She stresses this by saying, “say no without over explaining. Your NO doesn’t need to come with a 5 power point presentation.”
Yetunde however cautions about things not working out in the process. Nevertheless, it doesn’t imply the end of life. Instead, one should own their own choices and learn from those mistakes.
While making conclusions about certain things, it is equally important to prioritize personal needs without feeling selfish. “Being a good friend, sister, mother, wife, daughter doesn’t mean abandoning yourself. You can care for others and put yourself first at the same time,” she remarks.
Similarly, setting boundaries and keeping them firm should never be ignored. “If something drains your energy, steals your peace or makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to walk away from it. Even if it’s family or a friend you’ve known for years.”
Women are encouraged to pursue wealth without guilt. The whole idea of ‘scaring away men because you’re rich’, Yetunde finds it lame. “You don’t have to apologise for wanting a life of abundance. Get your money, get a soft life. Wanting financial security is not greedy or being materialistic, it’s necessary,” she notes. Adding that, “for some, success is an office corner, to others it’s a soft life. For many it’s a mix of both.” Therefore, freewill for women is defining what a fulfilling life looks to them, not what society says it should be.
Furthermore, the whole ideology of measuring a woman’s worth according to how ‘exhausted’ they are is erroneous. Hence, women ought to rest not overworking, over giving nor over sacrificing to be deserving of love, peace or happiness. This, she terms it as ‘people-pleasing’, a condition that was imposed onto women by society in the name of ‘peace’.
To break free, Yetunde advises women to; choose themselves every single time, unlearn the fear of taking up space, and love who they want, what they want, the way they want. In other words, women ought to make decisions without guilt.
“Every choice you make doesn’t need approval. From big life decisions to the small ones. Own them without over explaining yourself. You are allowed to choose yourself,” she stressed.
