Mothers are known to be their daughter’s first best friends; one that they run to every time they need counseling, guidance, a muse, or even a cheerleader.
Conversations between mothers and daughters can range from; ‘What to have for dinner’, ‘how I met your father’, ‘Who to date and why’, to ‘I hate our neighbor so should you’
While visiting my mom over the festive season, a conversation popped up about a cousin of mine who according to my mom is; “living a good life”, but not looking after her siblings.
In my mother’s argument, “Anna” (not her real name) is supposed to step in and play second parent roles to the many children her dad has sired all because she recently got a job.
Much as I’m so “pan-African” and greatly root for the conservation of our cultural norms and values, I find this very unfair to Anna.
While I was still intrigued about the discussion, a participant in one of the girl WhatsApp groups I belong to posted a quote:
“As a black person, I carry a weight that has been passed down from generation to generation. This weight is called the ‘black tax’. A long history of racial unfairness and economic inequality has taught me that it is my job to support my extended family and community financially. Even though this duty comes from love and unity, I have come to understand that breaking free from this generational curse is necessary for my growth, empowerment, and long-term success”. – Unknown.
Multiple comments flowed in over the quote, with the majority expressing dissatisfaction for the norm and why one should set boundaries.
Maria Mutshidzi states, “While supporting family and loved ones can be an amazing privilege and honor, it can also feel like a burden, especially when you’re struggling. Remember to establish boundaries and take good care of yourself”, she stated.
She remarked that: “the best thing is to break free, empower yourself because it’s draining and denies one chance to realize oneself and their potential”.
Black Tax is defined as “the financial burden borne by Black people who have achieved a level of success and who provide support to less financially secure family members”.
The term originates from South Africa, where “Black workers especially professionals and others with higher income, take out their bags and give to their parents, siblings or other family members, often out of obligation or a deeply ingrained sense of family responsibility.
Black tax is often a result of historical and socio-economic factors, including limited access to resources, systemic inequalities, and cultural expectations. It can manifest in various forms, such as providing financial support to extended family members, funding education for siblings, or contributing to family expenses.
While it’s a cultural and societal norm rooted in a sense of communal responsibility (Ubuntu), Black tax can lead to financial strain and hinder personal financial goals, thus setting boundaries around the act is crucial for maintaining financial stability and personal well-being.
Know when to say “No”
Drawing the line with black tax is a personal decision that depends on your financial situation, goals, and relationship with your family. Here are some signs that it may be time to set firmer boundaries.
When your contributions are causing financial strain or hindering your ability to meet your own needs. You feel resentful or overwhelmed by the financial demands placed on you. Your family’s requests are unreasonable or not aligned with your financial goals.
Navigating black tax requires a delicate balance between fulfilling familial responsibilities and maintaining personal financial stability. Primarily, seeking support from a financial advisor or therapist to help you navigate the emotional and financial aspects of setting boundaries.
Certified financial analyst and educator, Enid Kathambi stresses the importance of prioritizing self-care for a healthy financial well-being, even if it means saying NO.
“I have seen people who spent most of their working life caring for their families. They have built houses, taken their siblings to schools, and helped in every way they could without blinking. Unfortunately, now that they don’t have a stable source of income, the same siblings and extended family they helped are not there for them. So, before spending money on anyone else, start by paying yourself first”, she remarked.
Creating a clear financial plan that includes your personal financial goals and obligations will help you understand how much you can realistically afford to contribute to family members.
In turn, it facilitates open and honest conversations with your family about your financial situation and limitations, explaining your goals and how supporting them fits into your overall plan.
Clear boundaries on the amount you can contribute and the frequency of your contributions are set, helping prevent feelings of guilt or resentment in case you fail to deliver.
Remember, your financial well-being is important. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and goals, even if it means saying no to family requests!
