In her remarks at the recently concluded Women’s Mental Health and Gender Equity in Business Forum, Vanessa Zuba, a Gender Equity Advocate raised concerns about how everyone talks about ‘Women Empowerment’ and never ‘Men Empowerment’.
Her thesis was that empowered women have to deal with unempowered men, which affects women’s overall well-being.
My friend Liv echoed the same sentiment days back, though from a marriage perspective. In her words, “I hate how they make us do all sorts of things, especially to our bodies, all in the name of ‘this will help you once you get married’, but you never hear the same being told to boys,” She remarked angrily.
To rule out the ideology, mostly from men, that women are overly emotional, thus whining a lot over nothing, I asked a few male friends to share the intensity of their pre-marital talks – that is if any are conducted anyway.
At this point, I’m guessing you can tell what the feedback is already. The majority of the men admitted light to no talks at all whatsoever.
When TikToker @Kingboiza posted an #fyp on TikTok for married men to share their greatest regret about marriage, thousands of comments, largely from men, flooded the post.
Even though they are more guidance tips than regrets, at SENS, we felt it fit to share the comments with our male audience – for they ought to be empowered. Not to mention, we are a mixed workplace and target a holistic audience. Dearest men, kindly take notes!
DON’T CHEAT
“She may stay after you’ve cheated, but she will never be the same ever again. Advice, DON’T DO IT,” read the first comment from Mavusana, with 115.4k likes and 895 replies. To reiterate this comment, Mzondii wrote: “My biggest regret in my marriage was to cheat and I am telling you, my wife was never the same, so my advice, never cheat, Never Ever.”
MAKE HER HAPPY, ALWAYS
For Ishmael Obare Guto, “Your woman’s blessings are of another level, so make her happy always.” Reading this made me want to ask if he was single, but hey, I had to source out more marriage tips for my male readers. Let’s move on.
“Be the partner you’re looking for,” commented Msindisi. The true definition of short and precise.
LOVE HER FOR MORE THAN HER BODY
When it comes to body shaming, no one does it better than men–yet if we are being honest here, and tables were to turn, for men to dress in women’s outfits, hardly any would score 10/10 on fashion police. But if I were the judge that day, I would give @kataPiller007 100%, primarily for understanding that: “Not all women age gracefully with all their good looks and physique.” Thus, advising men to, “Marry her for more reasons beyond her body and beauty, seek a forever.”
NEVER A BAD WORD ABOUT HER
Mr Fingerz/Cybersecurity Guy on the other hand cautions bachelors to never speak bad about their spouse whether to their family or friends once they tie the knot.
As if he read Mr Fingers’ comment before writing his, Mokoney stated that “Your wife becomes the words you speak to her,” ending with an “I regret not speaking life and good upon her.” He must have been weeping while writing this. So, if you’re a man out there, avoid repeating the same mistake. We would hate to see you cry!
LEAD HER PROPERLY
I’m not sure if he’s a pastor or not, but from his comment, Mr Kay sounded like one: “If you lead your wife properly, she will submit naturally.” Preacher or not, take the advice, thank us/him later!
DON’T LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE
“The grass is never greener on the other side,” said Rush Lee Lockhart. You may have heard this from people relocating abroad to chase the bag. It applies to marriage too.
DIVORCE IS WORTHLESS
An article published in September 2023 by The New Times indicated a rise in divorce rates in Rwanda from 21 in 2016 to 3,322 between 2022-2023. While we won’t delve into the nitty grits behind this surge, Musa Njomane advises married men to opt for separations instead of divorces.
“Not that I regret it, but divorce is worthless. Better separate, re-arrange yourselves and try again.”
NOT BECAUSE OF MONEY
Who would have imagined that money and marriage are two different things? Well at least not for men. For some women, your bank statement tops the list of ‘qualities’ we look for in a man. Surprisingly, for men too, although in a different way. @Thabang N418 has this to say in this regard.
“Just because you have money doesn’t mean you are ready to get married, it just means you are ready for a wedding.”
I would have loved to bring all the comments to you, but I can’t. However, the response from these comments on the original post already promises a lot. A reply from @Que Lindsey to the comments said, “You’re all making me a better boyfriend, thank you, old guys.”
I will sleep well with that.
